Toes in the water, ass in the sand...

Our honeymoon is less than 3 weeks away!  Punta Cana, here come the Evans...es?  I'm not familiar with pluralizing names that end in 's'.  It's not really my specialty yet. 

We are all booked and ready!  Seven nights at Majestic Elegance Punta Cana, all-inclusive, cannot wait!  In preparing for my adventure, I was reminded of a beach experience so long ago...

It was the summer of 2002, I was a wee 17-year old lass when Ratch invited me to go to Gulf Shores with her family for a fun beach vacation.  I said "uh, heck yes."  So off we went, on a very long drive.  Made a wee bit longer by SOMEONE who had just gotten his learner's permit and went 50 down the highway.  ;) 

So, we get there, and we immediately set off on beach adventures.  One such beach adventure that I was introduced to was night-time crab hunting.  As described to me, you get a flashlight, go out, and watch the lil crabs make their trek across the beaches before retreating into their crab holes.  Do crabs live in holes?  I don't know, but they go somewhere.  I feel like Snooki right now with my general earth knowledge, but whatever.  Anyway, I had this vision in my head of all these Sebastian look-alike crabs skittering along the sand, looking up at me with little Caribbean accents-"Pardone Madame, but eeuuu are een dee way of my crab hole."

Or, if it's a high-strung crab-

 "No, madame, eeuu are stepping een dee crab hole!"

Imagine my horror when I learned that the crabs on the beach weren't cute little Sebastian types, but practically iridescent WHITE crabs.  How are you supposed to see them in the WHITE sand?!  They are naturally camouflaged.  I guess point for evolution because they hide brilliantly.  I was not pleased.  In a fairly anti-climatic end to this story, I didn't last long.  I wonder if the crabs in the Dominican Republic look like Sebastian.  I hope so.  

I anxiously await being able to update my blog about my trip.  I promise.  

Oooookkkk.

I am status post lecture from Leah about my lack of updates (do you like my ability to mix in medical lingo??  I did that for you). 

I was completely unaware it had been almost two weeks since I last posted.  I guess I've been busy.  I'm quite relieved that it's Friday.  I had a busy week of hearings, meetings, and a brief due today.  Let's see...July 4th happened since I last wrote!  We grilled brats and corn with some yummy red potato salad (my favorite) as we watched baseball.  Then, around dusk, we walked over to the field near our house (which also happens to butt up to the ledge where Mizzou Arena and Faurot Field are).  The fireworks in Columbia were being shot off from the stadium parking lots, so we had a great view from our own neighborhood.  We took the dogs over, and it was just a big block party. 

I suppose we didn't really think the dog situation through.  They were fine, until the actual fireworks started.  At that point, Cherry lost it, and somehow wiggled out of her collar.  Once she was free she TOOK off running full speed back toward our house.  I sent Scott after her while I tried to wrangle Truman, who while not as panicked, was slowly making his way further and further into the brush off the walking trail.  My efforts to pull him OUT of the brush were useless, so I just sat there watching fireworks holding what looked like a leash to nowhere.  Once the fireworks started to pick up, Truman became more interested in leaving, so we started making our way back, all the while I was hoping Scott could find our little Usain Bolt safe and sound.  I came down our street to find him standing in the driveway.  Fortunately, all was well and Cherry had found her way home!  I've always heard dogs know, and I've seen the stories too, and Cherry did also.  Well, she was a BIT off, as she ended up in the bushes of a backyard across the street.  But still, pretty impressive!  Also impressive was that she literally jumped the fence to that yard to seek shelter. 

I went inside to find her under the guest bed, which has even less wiggle room than the space under our bed.  Every time she heard the faintest hint of a boom, she took refuge.   That included while I was showering, when she heard one and felt like she'd be safest IN the shower with me.  We've beefed up shower security since the last time she pulled the plastic hooks down, but this time she just pulled the whole tension rod out of place.  So, conditioner-filled hair and all, I had to remove her from the bath area, fix the curtain, and continue my shower.  When I got out, she was sitting in the closet.  Needless to say, celebrating America isn't really her thing.  At least celebrating America loudly, because she seemed to be happy to celebrate when it meant scraps of hot dog.  Oh well.  Two consecutive July 4th freak-outs.  I think we'll spare her coming with us next year.  If only we could find doggy ear plugs in time...

And with that, I'm off to enjoy my weekend! 

I suck at this!

Ok, so a LOT has happened since I last posted.  My apologies for being such a terrible blogger. 

Since I last updated approximately two years ago, I suppose the biggest thing that happened was my wedding.  Yes interwebs world, I'm a married woman now.  I'm the old ball and chain.  The day was amazing.  For starters, it had rained pretty much all week, so I was dreading the possibility that it would rain on my wedding day.  I've heard it's good luck and blah blah blah.  I had a outside wedding.  Rain is NOT compatible with that.  Anyway, everyone came in for the most part on Friday, so we could have an impromptu bachelorette party.  Poor Sami and Ratch had their flight(s) canceled, so they DROVE to get here.  I was so upset that they had to go through all that but felt so blessed that they didn't even hesitate to jump in the car and get here by whatever means necessary.  If the car broke down they probably would have hitch-hiked!  Through this whole process, I was able to really see how truly lucky I am to have such amazing friends. Everyone who came made sacrifices and did so much to be there, and it meant so much to me. 

All the girls in town on Friday joined me for my bachelorette dinner and party.  (Shout-out to Leah for paying for my dinner- THANK YOU!)  We had a yummy dinner at Addison's and then made our way to Trops and the Piano Bar.  I didn't pay for a drink that night, and everyone went out of their way to make it special for me.  I had such a great time, and I was so happy that my work friends made it out too!

Saturday, we woke up to SUN!  No rain in sight!  It was literally a perfect day.  Warm, sunny, and just a hint of a breeze.  We made our way to the salon and got ready (Genesis Salon did an AMAZING job!), and had just enough time at the hotel to change before it was off to the winery!  We got there just as everyone was being directed outside for the ceremony.

Not wanting to keep anyone from getting a new drink, we kept it short and sweet.  Seven minutes from the time the first bridesmaid walked down the aisle to when we kissed.  We know how to make it happen.  After the ceremony, everyone enjoyed drinks and appetizers while we all mingled.  After that the wedding party took off for pictures while the other guests got to take a rest.  Then, dinner time!  Dinner was at the top of the Tiger Hotel, catered by Bleu Restaurant.  It was delicious.  So perfect.  Cake was delicious, drinks were yummy, and then it was on to the afterparty. 

Tonic Lounge was the site of the evening debauchery.  Shots were flowing, everyone had a drink in their hands at all times, and it was a blast.  A perfect evening for a perfect day.  Some got VERY drunk.  That entertained me.  You know who you are ;)

So, in light of the great day, I want to say thank you.  Thank you to my parents (and Scott's parents), for everything you did for our day.  Thank you to my Mom for every little detail she remembered.  Everything she did helped to make the day even better, and I'm so grateful for her thoughtfulness and insight.

Thank you to everyone who came.  I hope you had as much fun as I did.  And a special thanks to all my friends that traveled from Texas to be here.  It means more to me than you know.  To my bridal party, you guys are the shiz.  Leah- you did SO much for me.  You did everything to make me feel special, and I can't tell you how much I appreciated you being there.  Kelly- it wouldn't be the same day without my Aggie partner in crime.  Hopefully our bowl trip this year is somewhere exciting ;)  Ratch- what can I say.  Anything I could say here you already know.  I love ya. Sami- what can I say?  Again, I'm at a loss for how to best express what you mean to me and how much I appreciate everything you did for me.  I love all of you, and I'll always remember my wedding day and the friends who were a part of it. 

I'll post some pictures soon.  But, there are some on Facebook that you've probably all seen.  And, I will make diligent efforts to not suck at blogging anymore.  BYE!

Rabbits and MacGyver

And, I return.  It's been a wee bit.  I would apologize for my lack of posting, but odds are I'll probably just turn around and not post for another several weeks.

Now, I've probably been responsible for a fair share of small "roadkill" deaths in my day.  I remember once I was driving home from a friend's house in College Station and I hit a possum, and I actually pulled over to see if he was ok.  Obviously, he wasn't.  It's hard to come back from having your insides on your outside.  I didn't realize at the time that possums are assholes, so it was no big deal.  I know I've been the culprit of some other roadkill hit and runs also, but I have never killed a rodent with my bare teeth and sheer curiosity.  But, as of about two weeks ago, my dog has.  I'll let you guess which one...

 


You knew it wasn't going to be Truman.  Anyway, I'm just sitting at work getting stuff done when I get a text from Scott that Cherry found a rabbit in the backyard.  I think "out how cute."  Then I get the text that she not only found a rabbit, but she proceeded to grab it in the vice grip of her mouth and was refusing to let it go.  I'm still not convinced that the situation is as dire as Scott is making it sound, so I just go on about my business.  It's not until later that I fully understand the situation.  Not only did she catch a rabbit, but she then proceeded to whip her hair back and forth with the rabbit still locked firmly in her jaw.  Despite repeated attempts by Scott to remove the poor animal from her mouth, she won't let go.  This reminds me of an oddly similar situation involving a decrepit pigeon at the dog park in St. Louis (see said entry somewhere else in this sparkling blog).  Anyway, finally he essentially beats Bugs Bunny out of her mouth, and he has clearly suffered grave injury.  Without a firm plan, he throws the rabbit into the sink, out of the reach of the beast.  He then takes a shoe box that had previously been occupied by a fantastic pair of leopard print stilettos, and runs back into the kitchen, where he discovers that (SHOCK) cats are interested in rabbits.  Evie, who hates everything and everyone, is standing on the counter batting at the rabbit, who can barely move.  He throws Bugs into the shoebox and races off to the vet school, and texts me on the way.  In the rush of the moment he completely forgot to even let Truman in the house.  While he's on his way, I get a text that he's taking the Bugs to the vet.  I immediately picture intensive rabbit surgery.

I got this picture from a well-respected medical journal on rabbit medicine.  Or, I googled 'rabbit surgery' and this is what showed up.

I fire back that I not be responsible for the cost of saving some random rabbit.  It's harsh, but someone has to be the reasonable one.  Turns out, there was no saving Bugs.  He was humanely relieved of his time on earth, and went to kick it with all our favorite household pets.  And so, Cherry is a murderer.  

Cherry also somehow locked herself in the guest room one afternoon while Scott and I were out a few Saturdays ago.  I'm not simply talking about closing the door on herself.  I mean she actually managed to turn the small door lock on the door knob.  We get home and I go to let her out of confinement, where she spends her days when we're not home because she cannot be trusted to not eat everything in our home, and the door is locked.  So...we're not sure what to do.  Our first obvious thought was to check the window to see if somehow we were stupid enough to leave one of the front windows of our home completely unlocked and accessible from the outdoors.  Unfortunately, we aren't stupid so that window was firmly locked.  Next plan, the credit card in the latch.  This plan worked back when I was in college and we needed to break into the spare room in our apartment after our insane 3rd roommate moved out.  This time, no luck.  All I succeeded in doing was bending my Sam's Club card beyond recognition, and our dog was still locked in the bedroom.  

So I then decide to use the paper clip in the little "keyhole".  This entire time I'm not even sure what I'm doing, and for all I know I'm just locking the door even more.  The keyhole idea fails too, so I decide to try to pop off the brass plate on the door handle to see if there's something doing there.  Nothing.  Google provides no answers that I haven't already tried, which is unfortunate since Google is my life manual.  After about 30 minutes and me being on the verge of having Scott kick in the door, I decide to stick the paperclip in behind the brass plate one more time.  I start jabbing the paperclip around behind the door handle and all the sudden I hear a click and SHE'S FREE!  The door opens like nothing ever happened.  Despite what was a traumatic experience for the humans in the house, Cherry has no idea what is going on, and is sitting contently on the floor chewing a bone.  

You can just call me the house MacGyver.  Or Jack Bauer.  Or HERO.

In my few seconds of searching, this picture is the closest to me looking crafty.  Or like a soaking wet ghostbuster.  Whatever.

And so concludes another episode of my dog is a moron.  Until next time, I bid you farewell.

Worst Bride. Ever.

So, our wedding has been completely revamped.  Don't be offended if you don't get an invite, almost no one is.  We cut it down to immediate family, the original wedding party, and a few close friends who almost made the wedding party cut.  Keep in mind that we plan on making some trips in the near future to reconnect and celebrate with those who didn't come to the wedding.  The choice wasn't because we didn't want to celebrate with everyone, we just didn't want to bust our budget on a huge wedding, when we could have a small affair and save some money for what matters- the marriage.  (Yes, I did just feel that spurt of daisies come out my butt).  I'm not one for sappy, but I'm most looking forward to being married to my guy and building on the life we have already started.  So, anyhoo, that's that.

I did get a dress and shoes, finally.  Way to cut it close, I know.  It was actually Scott who convinced me to even go into the store.  I knew that I'd have to get a sample dress close to my size and alter it, because I wouldn't have enough time to order one.  I wasn't sure what I'd find, so I was shocked when I got into the store and saw THE dress that I had wanted so long ago, in my size, sitting on the clearance rack.  I tried it on, and it was close enough to fitting (with alterations, we'll be set!), so I bought it.  And the shoes the stylist brought me to try on with the dress.  The price as new?  Probably over $1000. What I paid?  $165.  For both.  As Charlie Sheen would say..."winning." So, check that off the list.

Invitations?  Check, thanks to my lovely parents.  I'm honestly excited to see one in person because I have not yet.  Mom is mailing me an invitation to my own wedding, so I'll have a chance then.  (As I've said several times, nothing would be planned without the amazing organization and planning of Scott and my parents).

Plans for the day?  Check, thanks to Scott.  (We've got a lot of checks going on!)  The ceremony will be on a bluff-top overlooking the Missouri River at a winery about 15 minutes from Columbia.  Please no rain!  I haven't asked for a lot with this wedding, but I do ask for nice weather.  We'll also have some cocktails at the ceremony for people to enjoy before and after.  Later that evening we're having a dinner reception at the Tiger Hotel catered by a restaurant downtown.  It will be a mini version of our original reception, complete with table linens and all.  After that, we have the Tonic Lounge downtown reserved for an after-party, where everyone can drink and dance the night away.  It's a bit unconventional, but I think it will be laid back and fun. 

Cake and flowers?  Check.  Shout-out to the Hy-Vee Bakery (no one better judge, because I bet it's going to be damn good).  And, shout-out to Sam's Club.  Yes, you heard right, Sam's does flower packages, and pretty good ones too.  Considering our small affair, I didn't think spending gobs on flowers was advisable.

Photography?  Check.  Shoutout to Alex Giddings.  He rocks, and I'm quite excited to see what he does.

Music?  Still working on that one...please hold.

Anyway, as you can see, it's starting to come together, and no thanks to my initiative.  That's why I love my parents and my fiance.  I cannot wait to see all my closest friends and show them my life here.  :)

Anyhoo, in other news, here are some new pictures of the beasts.

 Ok, so this isn't a beast, but he looked so cold in the snow I had to snap a pic.

My lovable hot mess.

Based on how wise he always looks in pictures, you'd think he was intelligent.  You'd think wrong.

The rest of these are pics from one of our many Snowmageddon play dates.

 I love his weird faces.

I'm sure you've all read this...

But I came across it again and had to share.  Makes me laugh every time!

Doggie Diary Entry:

• 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
• 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
• 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
• 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
• 12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
• 1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
• 3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
• 5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
• 7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
• 8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
• 11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Cat Diary Entry:
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow --but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously stupid.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now . . .

George Gets a Bath

So, I don't know if anyone was aware, but it's been a rather cold and messy winter.  So much so that George hasn't been washed in almost 2 months.  For those who don't know me, George is my Jeep.  Remember that.  Anyway, for quite some time George had been covered in a thin sheath of dried salt remnants and winter dirt.  It had been in the 60s lately, so I decided it was a good time to maybe get that stuff off, since it's apparently bad for cars or something.  Anyway, on my lunch break earlier this week I decided to stop by Tiger Wash and give George some soapy love!  I pull up and convince myself that I will NOT be the sucker that buys the most expensive wash because it has fancy features like "foam soak" and "hot wax rinse" and "Armorall polish."  I'm such a sucker for extra features.  Anyway, I'm firmly set in my mid-level wash.  That is, until the attendant mentions that if I buy the super fancy wash I get a free SCRATCH-OFF ticket that has great prizes!  At those little words, my resolve melts away as I envision the possibilities on the little scratch-off card.  So, I cave in.  I feel guilty for a second, but it's only a 5-dollar difference, and the oopsy is quickly replaced by my child-like excitement about pulling into the little tire track thing where I can sit back and enjoy and ride.  I remember in high school, I went to a car wash and I was SO distraught when I had to get out of the car and watch from inside the waiting room.  What's the fun of the car wash if you can't even sit in the car?!  Anyway, I slowly roll through the spraying jets and multi-colored foam and swirling jets, and, yes, even at 26 years old I still eagerly anticipate each new phase.  Pre-soak?  Ooo.  Pressure tire wash?!  Awesome.  Shine foam brushing?!  Sounds tingly.  Hot wax treatment?! George looks so clean!  

 I get through the high-powered dryer (which by the way, is quite similar to those new-age hand dryers in bathrooms that I honestly believe are going to rip the skin off my hands), and drive over to the vacuum area.  Another thing about winter, it makes the floor of your car ridiculously disgusting.  So I get out and yank the vacuum hose out of its suction tube and get to work.  But, I don't get far.  I open my back right passenger door, and am shocked to see that my back seat is SOAKING WET.  I'm talking seats soaked, the coat in the seats soaked, puddles on the floor, in my cupholders, and in the little handle on my door.  What. The. Hell.  I'm immediately pissed that the seal on my window is obviously defective.  That's the only logical explanation.  Until I realize that my back right window is open just a little bit.  Obviously enough to create complete chaos in the backseat.  How does that happen?  (1) Why is the window open?!  It's WINTER!  It's been in single digits for the vast majority of the past month.  What reason could I possibly have for opening my window?  And (2)...how did I not notice the perfect storm of thrashing water, soap, and wax going on back there?  What if I had a kid?  And I washed it too because I wasn't paying attention?  I mean I know babies need baths too, but I don't think high-pressure washers and hot foam is the way to go.  So I've heard.  I don't have kids, but I know I don't often see them being wheeled through car washes.

Despite the fact I highly doubt the car wash vacuums are meant to dry cars, or anything else, I am able to get most of the water out of the back seat and off my coat.  And, I haven't noticed anything wrong since it dried!  But, I will always make sure my windows are CLOSED from now on.  You should as well.  And that's my tip of the day.