Unfortunately, I'm kind of posting for less than ideal reasons. I've talked to some people about it, but I feel like the whole story deserves more than just a Facebook status update. I shall try to get through it without crying. But I suppose none of you would know that I am crying. So, that's something.
As many of you know (because I'm that annoying pet mom), we have a beautiful Bernese Mountain Dog named Truman. Truman has been our guy since he was a puppy. Well, I should say he was Scott's guy from day one. Scott got him when he was about eight weeks old, and he was there for those late puppy nights where he whined and whined. Scott was there to let him out every two hours because he couldn't hold it much longer than that. And Scott was there for all the first walks, first park visits, first injury (it was a broken bone in his paw), and so on. Then I came along and Truman quickly became our dog. Evie, Truman, Scott, and I made up the original dysfunctional law school family. Along the way we added in Shelby and of course Cherry (I'm sure even people who don't know me know Cherry. She's that much of a hot mess). But Truman was first. He is the oldest of our fur babies, but even so he's just shy of six. Still a baby to us! To call him our dog- I don't really feel like that does him justice. He's part of our family, and I love him so much. Scott and I both do. And Cherry adores him.
Last Monday, I noticed that Truman was a bit down. He wasn't really eating, was kind of lazy, and he had vomited a few times. We thought it was a typical stomach bug, so we made sure he was drinking water and just thought we'd give him a few days. A few days passed and he wasn't really getting better, so last Thursday Scott took him to the vet. I couldn't go because of work stuff. I was thinking we'd just get some antibiotics or something and we'd be good to go. When I got home Thursday night, I found out I was dead wrong. The vet had scheduled an ultrasound with a different vet because there were things going on that she couldn't figure out. But, it became clear that we wouldn't just be good to go with some meds.
Friday came, and we had the ultrasound. That vet pointed out some masses in Truman's abdomen, and another in his spleen. They did a biopsy, and we don't know those results until this week. But, after discussion with our vet about his symptoms, and what we know about Truman's breed, all signs point to a late stage cancer that is common in Bernese Mountain Dogs. It's an aggressive cancer, and there is no treatment. It acts quickly, and typically when dogs are diagnosed, the timeline is weeks, if that. As for Truman, he's had his ups and downs. This morning was very rough, and we weren't sure he would make it. He still struggles to eat because he can't really digest his food very well, and he doesn't really want to do anything but lie down and rest.
It's beyond heartbreaking. To say that Scott and I are devastated is an understatement. We want nothing but the best for him, and we're so helpless right now. Even with everything, he still manages to greet us at the door when we get home, and he wags his tail when we walk by, and he's generally still his happy self. But his energy is fleeting. It's so hard to remember what he used to be, and to see it all change in what feels like the flip of a switch. Last week at this time we had no idea this would happen. Not even the slightest hint that something was wrong. And now it's all changed.
We will get the biopsy results this week, but given everything we know, no one is sure what else it could be but some form of cancer. Regardless, he's not ok and his condition is not improving. Scott and I are trying to brace and prepare ourselves for the likelihood that our days with our boy are running out. As devastating as it is to even think like that, we both agree that we can't see him suffer for our own selfish desire to have him around. Sometimes, he doesn't seem like he's in pain. Other times, I wish I could take everything he's feeling so he wouldn't have to.
Basically, our goal now is to make sure whatever time we do have with him is filled with love and with us making sure he's as comfortable as he can be. We know our time is short, and as much as it is physically painful to think about, we are trying to prepare ourselves. There is so much to think about. So much that was second nature that will change when he is gone. And of course, we worry about how Cherry will handle being alone. Truman has been her brother since day one. When we brought her home, she was 15lbs and this giant 110lb dog became her best friend. I think she senses something is happening, because she's very attentive to Truman, and she follows me everywhere I go in the house. She also puts her paw on me when she catches me crying. I can't hide from her, she's too damn good at seeking. There have been many tears since Thursday, and I'm sure there will be more.
If anyone has a hankerin', you can send thoughts our way that Truman can be at peace, and thoughts for Scott because as much as it hurts for me, my heart hurts for my love because there's nothing I can do to make him feel better either.
In the mean time, I'm going to put on a brave face and try to not cry in front Truman. I want whatever time left to be happy and filled with anything he wants.
Sorry for the downer post, but we wanted people to have an idea about what's going on. We will keep you guys updated when we hear more. Love you friends.
