Things I'm Afraid Of

I had a near-death experience today with an elevator, which reminded me of a lot of stuff that I'm terrified of.

Ok, so when I say near-death experience, I MIGHT be exaggerating.  I was getting onto the elevator when the doors started to close, and I panicked.  In my imagination the doors were closing on me, either crushing me or trapping and holding me as I am killed when the elevator starts to move.  In reality, the sensors stopped the doors, and they opened back up to let me on.  My deep-seated fear of elevator doors comes from this story:

OMG

Ever since I read about this I've been convinced that any elevator whose doors come close to shutting on me is going to decapitate me.  I think this fear is legit, given the circumstances surrounding that poor guy's untimely demise.  Because of that, anytime the elevator doors start to close anywhere near me, I start making nervous whimpering noises and use my cat-like reflexes.  I did this today, and instead of gliding gracefully into the elevator, my heel got stuck in the crevice between the floor and the elevator, sending me awkwardly tumbling towards the unsuspecting man who was already standing inside.  I'm also pretty sure the security guard who watches the footage could be heard laughing from his post in the lobby.  Whatever, safety is my number one goal. 

I'm also afraid of the grates in the sidewalk.  This is for two reasons.  One, I'm convinced that I'll step on a bad one and I will fall through into the underworld.  I don't even know what goes on down there, but I remember in a movie that there was this giant alligator that lived in the underground city sewers, so therefore that is real and happens in every city.  The second reason I'm afraid of them is the high probability that I will get a heel stuck and fall face first onto the sidewalk (it's a reasonable fear, considering that combined with my fear of elevator doors, this has happened).  Long story short, I don't want to get eaten by an alligator, and I want to avoid any situation that puts me at a high probability of making an ass of myself.


Anyway, that's all I can think of for now.  Solid entry I know.  I'm practically a Pulitzer winner over here.