TIME MACHINE WATCH

I just watched Anchorman over the weekend, so the title to this entry is a tribute to "PANDA WATCH."

So, to expand upon my ridiculous new life plan, Kat and I decided to embark upon a search for a time machine. Well, first we thought of advertising in the "Wanted" section of an online marketplace. But that proved to be too much work, so instead we focused our efforts on someone who would be selling a time machine. Where does one find a time machine? I'm sure they're really complicated devices, with a variety of different scientific and technological features. So with that in mind, I started my search on Craigslist (where anyone goes to find high-quality, expensive machinery, and a casual encounter to boot).

I searched for "time machine", fully expecting nothing of value to come up. I was wrong.

Yes!

A 1985 Nissan 300ZX Time Machine?! Brilliant. Then I read the description. "I rarely go anywhere when someone does not comment on it." Probably because it's a real time machine. So, with finals looming and other real-world responsibilities calling, I decided instead to email this guy:

Hello,

I saw your ad on Craigslist, and I have a few questions. Some things have come up in life, and long story short, my good friend and I have developed a need for a time machine. I understand that the vehicle you are advertising isn't a standard, traditional time machine, but it might work. Some people don't believe in them, but I think you and I both know they're real! Anyway, my question for you is whether you think if we drive this car fast enough, it could send us back to France circa 1600AD? Please advise.

I didn't expect him to respond, but because my search for a time machine is filled with unexpected turns, he did:

Thank you for your inquiry. I do think, however, that there has been some confusion. I understand that I advertised a "time machine", but no where else in the advertisement does my car purport to be an actual time machine. While I respect your beliefs, I'm not sure I share them with you. This is simply a 1985 Nissan vehicle, not a time machine. I am sorry for the confusion, and I do wish you luck on your search to return to 1600's France (though I'll be honest I'm not sure why you would do that).

Look at this guy. He is clearly trying to be polite to an obvious loon. My reply:

Why would you advertise a time machine, when in reality it's just a regular car? I suppose it does catch the eye, and falsely lead me to your ad when I google "time machine." Furthermore, your claim that "I rarely go anywhere when someone does not comment on it" confuses me because I see no reason for someone to comment on that car unless it was really a time machine. Otherwise, it's just an old car. Anyway, foolish me for hoping I'd found the perfect car-masquerading-as-time-machine! Finally, who DOESN'T want to go back to France in the 1600s? Duh.

This morning I got this response:

Again, I apologize for any confusion. My comment about people taking notice of my car was merely meant to express that the condition of the car is so good for its age. It was not meant to suggest that the car had any ability to transport humans, or any other living or non-living creatures, back in time. I fear that this car will be of no help to you unless you just wish to drive a smooth running hatchback, but I do wish you luck in your attempt to "time travel." Just don't forget that with a little help, your imagination can take you anywhere, without the need for a time machine!

This guy clearly thinks I'm a nutjob. Using my imagination won't take me back in time, but his suggesting it was fantastic. He's so patient and almost friendly, that I feel like maybe he had a crazy relative, so he's used to talking to people that should probably be in institutions. His reply was akin to one of those NBC "The More you Know" ads..."use your imagination!" Ok Reading Rainbow.

My interaction with this man served its purpose. I had a good laugh and I was able to somewhat avoid my real-world responsibilities, like finals, or housework, or the general being a productive member of society.

But, never you fear, I went to the post office this morning. So I was productive today. Now, the rest of the day I can lay on the couch and eat. (Or sit in the library all day to study. Lame).