Ok, I can't let this slide.

I know I said I was signing off until after the bar, but I just couldn't ignore the atrocious state of my animals.   Here's the rundown:

Our dogs needed to be groomed.  They needed a bath and they needed to be trimmed.  Last summer we took Truman to this crazy woman who lived near us, and while that time she didn't do a terrible job, we elected to go elsewhere after that.  Well, we found ourself in a bind lately trying to make sure we got them groomed before we left Columbia, because it's cheaper here and we don't know of anyone in St. Louis yet.  Our normal groomer, Groomingdales (so witty), didn't have any availability.  So we called this woman again because we were like "well she wasn't great, but she could at least trim them up to give us time to find a new groomer in St. Louis." 

For the record, this woman is a bit off.  She grooms dogs out of her house.  Her house with a poodle mailbox.  She also frequently wears shirts with poodle murals on them.  Looking back, I should have been alert to these...oddities.  But I was like "well she obviously loves dogs, so it can't be THAT bad."

I was so wrong.

Here are the before shots of our beautiful pups:

Such a handsome man!

 Aww.  My Cherry.

And....the after.

Oh. My. God.  Where did he go?!?!

 The only difference is her shaved face.  That's all she did.  And she's about 12x poofier now.

WTF?!  They look like morons. Truman looks like a retarded horse (if she had saved his mane we would have a Bernese lion) and Cherry looks like a Stegosaurus (tiny head, giant body).

I'm a true artist.  Yes, that's a saddle and reins.  And no, his tail has not in any way been digitally or physically altered.  That's actually what his tail looks like in comparison to his body.

This is my rendition of a Stegosaurus.  It's pretty close to a real one:

So, needless to say, I'm mortified for my poor animals.  Truman more so because he looks so stupid.  I feel like I love him even more because I feel so bad for him.  (Like when you look at a despondent ugly kid and feel like "I should be nice to him").  He's so self-conscious now.  He just hides behind the table, or sits quietly.  If I'm a dog groomer, and I don't know what a particular breed is supposed to look like, I GOOGLE it.  I don't just grab my electric razor and go to town.  I was so shocked when he came out that I might have even said "holy shit" in front of the lady's kid.

I know this isn't really a big deal in the giant scheme of life, and there are so many other important things going on for not only me, but everyone, but holy butt nuggets.  What a disaster.  

I guess he won't need to be groomed for about a year now.  

And with that, I'm really signing off until after the bar.