A few years ago, Scott's car key broke so he could no longer use the remote to unlock the doors. Instead, he had to manually unlock the door, throw it open, and start the car quickly because once you open the door, the alarm would go off. Then, once you started the car, everything was fine. We made up a little game to coincide with everytime we had to get into the car. We called it "Two Horns or Less", and the goal was to unlock, open, and start the car before the alarm horn could go off twice. Scott got really good at it, and he had it down to 1 1/2- 1 1/4 horns sometimes. (I'm sure you're wondering how I know what 1 1/4 horns is. I don't know how I know, I just do. Since this is my blog, I can say pretty much whatever I want). Anyway, the game was fun, but eventually Scott got his key fixed. I was really bummed, but it made sense because you get some pretty ridiculous stares when you look like you're breaking into a car everytime you get in. Little did I know that MY turn to play Two Horns or Less was only a few years off.
Last week, before bar review started in earnest, I was running some errands, and I went to Target. I do love Target. I went to Target for some pens or something, which naturally meant I had to start at the very front of the store and make a full loop to look at anything and everything in the store. By the time I got to the pens, I had a basket full of random shit. This always happens to me (see Wal-Mart examples). Anyway, I pay for my pens and other assorted unnecessary purchases, and I head back to my car. At this point I'm juggling about 4 different plastic bags, and trying to rummage for my keys in my purse because I was too stupid to get them out before I decided to take home the store. I finally get them out and hit "unlock". I had no idea it didn't work, but soon find out when I try to open the door that the car was still locked. I try my key a few more times and nothing. Having known what happened to Scott, I was already aware that it was my turn to play Two Horns or Less. The only problem was my massive collection of bags. Instead of putting them down and taking care of it, I decide I can maneuver just as quickly while holding them. Wrong. I manually unlock the door and throw it open, to which the alarm starts blaring. I then try to quickly get into the car, and fail miserably when one of my bags gets caught on the door handle. So instead of the car already being started, the alarm is still going off and I'm in a wrestling match with a freaking plastic bag. I yank really hard on the bag in an effort to set it free, but instead it rips and the contents spill out all over the pavement. By this point it has literally been about 17 horns, and I've miserably failed at the game. People are staring. Some out of curiosity, others out of annoyance that I have yet to stop the alarm. I momentarily abandon my pavement-splattered merchandise and start the car to get the gaping to stop. Then, just like a scene out of Liberty City, I take off.
I immediately drive to the Jeep dealership to get it fixed, because I don't want to deal with it any longer than necessary. When I arrive at the right place (the dealership had moved without my knowing, despite the apparent mailing of several notices, and billboards all around town that I never paid attention to), I have this conversation with the service employee:
Me: Something is wrong with the remote on my key. The key itself works fine, but the remote no longer unlocks the doors.
Man: So your key isn't working?
Me: The key works. The remote to unlock the doors doesn't.
Man: Let me take it, I'll be right back.
I wait. 7-10 minutes later:
Man: Well, I don't see any problem with the key itself. It still works.
Me: Yes, I understand that. It's the remote.
Man: Oh, the remote! You should have said that to begin with!
Me: .....ok. How can I fix it?
Man: Well, usually it's just the battery, or it needs to be reprogrammed. That should fix it right up. I'll be right back.
I wait. 19 minutes later (I counted):
Man: Well, it was neither. Turns out you need a whole new key.
Me: Soo, it wasn't the easy to fix thing?
Man: Nope, isn't that funny?
Me: Hilarious.
So, I need a new key. They don't have the key in stock so I have to play Two Horns or Less all weekend (and Monday since it was Memorial Day). Tuesday morning, I come in for my appointment and of course none of information about my appointment or what I need is in the system.
SAME Man: How can I help you?
Me: I have an appointment to fix my key.
Man: Oh yes, hi! What was your name again?
Me: D-R-A...
Man: Ah yes, Nikki. Hmm, your information is in here but nothing about your appointment. Who did you speak with to make the appointment?
Me: ....Um, you?
(Long pause)
Man: Oh, ha. Yes. Well let's just look this. Hopefully we got the key ordered, amiright?
Me: Yes, hopefully. (At this point I give him the "Nikki stare." People who know me well know what it is. For those that don't, it's a combination of exasperation/total bitch).
Man: Ah, here it is. Looks like this was just not entered properly, but we're all set!
And turns out, we WERE all set. Despite having NO recollection of me making an appointment with him, the service guy managed to order the right key and have it waiting for me. And now I no longer have to play Two Horns or Less. Nor do I have to look like I'm stealing my own car. Hooray!
Pic 'o the Day (on a more serious note):
I know I'm a day late, but I don't think it's ever too late to remember what happened on June 6th, 1944. I'm pretty sure I took this picture while in tears, and I will never forget my emotional experience visiting the cemetery and the beaches. To all who fought (and still fight): Thank You.
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